As mentioned in part one, flirtation is a playful back-and-forth between people that communicates attraction. Flirting is not only important for when you are seeking a romantic or sexual relationship, but it is important to maintain the playful aspects of an established relationship. Why is it that the beginning stages of a relationship, it is so much easier to flirt, feel sexy, and be interested? One reason for this is that the relationship is new—just like when you are reading a new book; you are intrigued, interested, and wanting to come back for more. Some people describe this feeling in relationships as a “spark.”
A common misperception is that the “spark” is the only gauge of a good relationship and that when the “spark” dies down, it means the relationship has no more room to grow romantically and sexually. This thought process is unhelpful and hinders exploration and growth in a relationship. So how can you make space for playful flirting?
It can be challenging to nurture this “spark” when you are feeling burnt out, overwhelmed, or busy due to everyday responsibilities. I get it—when the struggles of life feel really big, flirting seems like the last thing on your mind. Fortunately, there are small and productive ways you can be flirtatious and communicate interest. These include writing small notes to your partner, using sexual touch in passing, sending a flirtatious text or meme, and complimenting your partner.
Flirting helps you and your partner maintain an emotional and physical connection. Feeling known and connected are universal human needs. When these needs are continuously and intentionally met, then your relationships can grow more intimately. Flirting might look different when you are in a relationship, but it still conveys the same message: I am attracted to you and want to know you. It can feel empowering to be know that you have control to keep the “spark” alive!